On the contempt of
worldly honour
When our Lord begins to give some degree of virtue to a soul, it ought carefully to Cherish
it, lest
it run the risk of losing it; this holds good in matters relating to our reputation
and honour as well as in many others. For we, who think ourselves to be
entirely disengaged from all things, are often not so in reality ; hence we
have great need to be careful in this respect, — for if any one still feels any
concern for the point of honour, let him believe me that his soul is bound by a
chain which no file can sever, but the grace of God, united with prayer and our
own endeavours; and this chain seems to me so strong, that I am not surprised
that it so greatly impedes our progress. I know some persons whose actions are
so holy and sublime, that we cannot help regarding them with admiration, and
exclaiming, "O my God, how is it that such a soul still cleaves to earth,
which does such great things for Thee?" I answer, some point of HONOUR holds her down; and, what is still worse, she is unable to perceive
it; and that because the devil makes her believe that she is obliged to take
care of her honour. But let such souls listen to me; for the love of our Lord, I
beg of them to believe me, a poor little miserable ant, whom our Lord would
have to speak in His name; let them be assured
that unless they free themselves from this caterpillar, though it may not
destroy the tree entirely, because some other virtues perhaps remain (though
worm-eaten), yet it will never become a beautiful tree, nor will it ever
flourish itself — no, nor suffer any others to flourish that grow near it —
because it will not bear the fruit of good example. I say again and again that
any attachment, however slight, to the point of honour is like a false note in
the playing of an organ, which spoils the whole harmony. This is an evil which
does harm to the soul in. every way, but in the life of prayer it is a very
pestilence. For in that life of prayer we endeavour to unite ourselves to God
by following the counsels of Jesus Christ, Who was loaded with injuries and
false accusations, and yet, at the same time, we wish to be very careful of our
honour and reputation. But we shall never arrive at our journey's end but by
the same road along which our Lord travelled. Our Divine Saviour will not dwell
in our soul unless we endeavour to correspond with His grace, by giving up in
many things even that which is our right. But some, perhaps, will say, “I have
no opportunity in matters of this kind to give up any thing for His sake."
I believe that our Lord will not suffer any one who has such a desire to lose
so great a good, but that His Majesty will so order things that he will have
more opportunities than he as yet desires of gaining this virtue. Let us all,
then, put our hands to the work; for I wish to inform you that some of those
miserable nothings which I performed, mere straws, fit for nothing but to be
cast into the fire, were all accepted by our Lord : may He be praised for ever! Amongst my other imperfections, I had very little knowledge of the Breviary, or of any of the offices
of the choir ; and this arose from my being so careless and given to vanities:
while, at the same time, I saw novices who were able to teach me. I did not ask
them any questions, for fear they should discover my ignorance; but shortly
afterwards, a good opportunity was presented to me — and this favour is usually
granted by God. So when He had opened my eyes a little, I asked — when I was in
the slightest doubt — the youngest in the house to inform me ; and, so far from
thus lessening myself in their esteem, I rather rose in their opinion. Our Lord
was pleased to give me a better memory from that time. I was also a bad singer,
and I was troubled at it, not from fear of making any blunders in the presence
of God — for that would have been a virtue — but because so many heard me; and
thus I was so disturbed, purely on account of my reputation, that I really
acquitted myself much worse than I need have done. Afterwards, I thought it
better to tell the sisters plainly, that I could not sing well, which was
really the case. At first I had some difficulty in doing but afterwards it
became a pleasure to me; and thus it appears that when a soul begins not to
care about her faults being known, she is able to do her duty much better. And
when I renounced this unhappy desire of honour, which I fancied I could acquire in singing, I began
to sing much better than before; and thus, when we perform such poor little
acts as these, His Majesty is pleased to give them worth and value, because
they are done for His sake, though in reality they are nothings — and I am sure
I am nothing. He also enabled me to advance in humility, by seeing all the
sisters advance except myself, for I was never good for anything ; when, however
they left the choir, I would stay to fold up their mantles, for it seemed to me
as if they were Angels, who were there singing the praises of our Lord. This I
continued to do till they came to hear of it; and then I was not a little
ashamed, for my virtue was not so far advanced as to be willing that they should
know this practice of mine: not because I was humble, but only lest they might
laugh at me, because I was still so completely good for nothing.
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. . . Whenever we think of Christ we should recall the love that
led him to bestow on us so many graces and favors, and also the great love God
showed in giving us in Christ a pledge of his love ; for love calls for love in
return. — St. Teresa of Avila
Image: ALL IS VANITY - Vanitas by
Antonio de Pereda y Salgado
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